Naked

There is my hand - naked. No ring. It feels weird. It feels wrong. But I guess it shouldn't. He hasn't been wearing his ring. And when he separated from me he didn't wear it then either.

So why is it so hard for me?

My hand doesn't just feel naked - my whole being. I am so alone and cold and vulnerable - just naked.

I don't want a divorce. Divorce was never an option for me - even if I may have thought about it or even agreed to it now - it's not what I want. But how do I fight for my marriage. How do I argue his statement of, "I want a divorce from you. I'm not in love with you and haven't been in a long time."?

I just rack my brain and beat myself up for all my missteps. And it hurts even more that this is not hard for him. He says it is but I think it's more that he doesn't like getting sh*t from family and friends for his decision - not about divorcing me. I mean he's not in love with me so why should he even care? If anything it must be a relief for him.

And now? Me? I'm just even more confused. I was set to move to my aunt's and know that I need to for a little while but I don't want to move at the same time. I don't f*cking know anymore. I'm at such a loss.