It's amazing to think I even blog about this. In the grand scheme of things is getting pregnant really the most important thing?
Random thoughts...
We had sex only three times so far in this month and already from my count (if I did it right) the moment's already passed to actually get pregnant again. Why only three times? Because I've been as sick as a dog and been busy like hell at work.
The excitement of sex isn't motivating either when you come home to find your mother distraught over the loss of the family dog and tears well so big and the choking on the throat from a pain inside so deep comes out without any regard. That so does not lead to foreplay. And neither does learning that a good friend at work had his last day at work and another co-worker has just resigned. Those happy neurons just aren't jumpin and therefore, neither is my libido.
So I just wonder, what is it? Is it timing? Is it my lack of being able to properly use the damn ovulation sticks? I mean it didn't seem like there was a "surge", but of course I missed one day - maybe that was the surge day? And of course, let's face it, three times in a month? I'm not exactly upping my chances with those kinds of numbers.
And then I wonder, seriously, maybe it's not meant to be. They say global warming and its horrible effects are happening now and the end of the world is just right around the corner. So do I want to bring a child into this world?
Yes. I still do. And don't get me wrong, I'm still into the idea of adoption, but jesus, I'm lazy. Everyday I'm dealing with work and the thought of the process of adoption? Jesus. I was just hoping I would get pregnant - enjoy that and then worry once that baby popped out.
Whatever. In the meantime, the signs of another period are on the horizon. It breaks my heart.
