What the Hell is Wrong with Me?

Ugh.

I am so anxious right now.

And I had an i'm exchange with estranged husband in which it went like the following:

ME: what time and where is your softball tourney on sat?
HIM: rancho
ME: we leaving around 8 again
HIM: why u want to take care of the dog
ME: yah ill pick him up!
ME: will it be all day?
ME: hee hee. maybe he and i can visit you later at your game out there.
ME: is it more like a park or like that big leagues place?
ME: i might have to do just an errand or two for my mom that morning so can you tell your parents to let me in to get him or will you just leave the door unlocked?
ME: and then you can pick him up on your way home or i can drop him off if you want to hang out that evening. or will i see you tonight or tomorrow night?
HIM: I can leave the door unlocked
ME: okie dokie.
HIM: tonight going to Mike's and tomorrow meeting
HIM: we can hang sat night
ME: right the sponsor mike...
HIM: I would rather you not come watch
ME: ?
ME: awkward because we are separated and the guys seeing me or because?
HIM: because it is something that I like to do with my friends...gets me out of my reality don't need u there reminding me that my life is fucked up right now
HIM went away at 11:24:00 AM.
ME: oh okay.

OUCH! Reading that, it hurts right? we just hung out last night and generally was fine, but then he says i remind him that his life is f*cked up right now. is that really how he feels or maybe he will be meeting his new friend there? or what? whatever the case, if he meant to hurt me, he did. if he didn't, he did anyway. i am in denial. i read that and i have to get it through my thick head and heart that obviously this man has no desire whatsoever to be with me around me near me. instead of him thinking it could be a positive thing, i'm seen as the enemy.