Lonely.

It's a Saturday night and I feel lonely.

I've put feelers out there to attempt to go out but I'm not so sure. I don't know how I feel about it. T invited me over but she was already buzzed. And I don't want to go over there like that and plus her kids are there and I don't think I'd be able to relax.

I feel lonely, but at least I don't want to absolutely die. I think I feel this way because the sun was out so that felt good. When it's sunny I do okay. And I went on a long walk this morning. I'll do it again tomorrow.

Last night I drove by his parents house. His car wasn't there - was still at a meeting. I don't know what I would have done had his car been there. I just, I just miss him.

I am more confused than ever. I'm at such a loss. Sometimes I just want to scream at him, "What the F*CK are you doing? WE ARE MARRIED. WE MADE VOWS. WHY IN THE HELL AREN'T YOU WITH ME? HONOR ME, HONOR OUR MARRIAGE!"

Whatever...