And Yet?

From my last post, you'd think I had ended it. But I've done nothing of the sort. I've kept calm and collected.

In fact we went to the dog park last night and had dinner together. Interestingly enough, at the same place I had confronted him a few months ago about that person. I didn't bring it up. We didn't bring anything up relationship wise at all.

I know right now that the ball is in my court. The questions I need to face for myself are:

1) Knowing what I know, am I willing to accept the risk and consequences in "waiting" for him?
2) How can I command and/or expect respect from him? What is the line for me?
3) How do I continue to be a strong, independent person and not only react to his timetable, schedule or feelings?

Surely, I am supportive and cognizant of what his needs are, but I have to acknowledge and ask myself if I accept the fact that I am not a priority and that should he feel "better" one day, that it doesn't mean that suddenly I will be a priority.

I am torn.

I am also torn with how I view myself in all of this.

My heart and values say to stick this out for the marriage in which I made vows and a commitment to. But my head is telling me that it is wrong how I am being treated - actually not treated at all.