Acupuncture

So things have been thrown into my vagina.  Not just ANYthing, but things related to IVF of course.

And now?  Needles are being put into my skin and small car-batteryesque looking machine has hook ups to needles connected to the upper half of my vajayjay.  The electric pulses are to help with blood flow.

Yes we are at the last frontier.

Oh and that's topped with some dark sludge called "tea".

I sound harsh and I know as those who have done acupuncture know - it's actually not that harsh, but I have now cried the the three times I've had my sessions as I lay vulnerable on the table.  I think the tears are really my emotions leaving me and my tight shoulders that have held my sadness, fear and anxiety for these several years of not being able to have a child.  Or my tears are really the feelings of last chances down my cheeks that we are getting closer to finding out if I will be able to have a baby from my body with my husband.

See, we are about to head into round two of the two IVF cycles we paid for.  So now that means acupuncture and drinking the suggested "tea" by the acupuncturist.  By the way, the acupuncturist herself said, "I have to warn you, it tastes disgusting."  And it does.  So this tea that I'm supposed to take twice a day, I drink once a day - partly because I don't know if I could handle to take it twice a day and partly because I want to stretch out my dollars.  The tea was $120.

And it's now at this time that I've come across articles that say women who have had unsuccessful tries with IVF might experience PTSD.  Joy (read sarcastically).

And then I tell myself, "Think positive, think positive."  But my fears of failure are so easy to come by and have been so far, quite true.

On top of that it looks like there will be a round of layoffs at my job.  Do I think mine is on the chopping block?  Not exactly, but I know I won't be getting a raise anytime soon.  I also know that some of my colleagues that I genuinely care for may be gone sooner than I know it.

And IVF is just one aspect of life.  In-between the hubby and I have been losing weight and are happy about it.  I miss crossfit and have not gone to the gym regularly.  I say that will change and it will, I think.

My good friend, she's about to have her baby and I'm her birthing partner.  Ironic huh?

Oh another irony, my goddaughter's name is the same name of the woman my hubby slept with and loved when we had been separated.  It's just spelled differently.  I wonder if he think about her every time he says my niece's name.